Girls and the wait for the fairy tale prince mommy promised!

I maintained a diary when I was a wannabe teenager… and since I am a girl,it was all about boys, first crushes and heartbreaks. At the time of course those heartaches (generally caused by my crush not noticing me at a movie etc) seemed insurmountable. I actually flaunted a calendar wherein I marked with red-dots, dates I had seen my crush….blue-dots were for days when he spoke to me ..and so on…
Why is it like this with girls? You think the Cinderella and other ‘pink’ princess fairy tales mess with our minds right from the start? All women believe deep down that their prince is salvation.. the answer to this strife. We may have the best job, great education et all.. but we are looking out for that man, the love of our lives to appear and make the ‘boo-boo’ go away.
I am a single mom to two beautiful girls now and I know what a real heart break is all about. I also know that life goes on …even in single mode. and there are bigger things out there waiting for me… I may score great on the GMAT and get accepted into one of the leading business schools of the world.. but my heart is concerned most about finding the man of my dreams. And this is true for most of my single friends… the hunt for the perfect husband…the cynosure of their existence! (the married ones of course are content drawing vicarious thrills from all my romantic encounters with the opposite sex… casual flings being the all time favorites with them!)
Maybe we in-turn as parents are messing with our girls minds and feeding them too many ‘prince fell for her and kissed her’ mush.. and they lived happily ever after. We need to get a reality check right there ..subtly though… but we may need to toughen our girls up!… any takers?

ON a lighter note: read this on FB … of fairy tales and little girls:

Cinderella snuck out to a party and danced with a strange guy till midnight,
Jasmine had a forbidden relationship,
Snow White lived with 7 men,
Sleeping beauty slept till she was kissed by a total stranger,
Little Red Riding Hood din’t listen to her mother,
Pinocchio was a liar,
Robin Hood was a thief,
Tarzan walked without clothes on,
Sleeping Beauty slept the whole day until a guy kissed her,
… these are the stories we’ve been raised with and then they complain our generation’s messed up!! 🙂

Ode to love…or something like it…

“I was blissfully unaware of how miserably lonely I was before I met you. And now in this state of animated suspension, I know I am unhappy as hell…”

My ‘apparent’ soul mate broke my heart. Betrayed me and left me with a bleeding gnash right through the centre of my heart. I bled and wept for a while, but then picked up the broken pieces and put them all together. It definitely resembled my erstwhile organ…but I think I skipped a piece somewhere.

But I was alright! I fought through each day, each crisis with valor and a heart of steel. Friends complimented my strength and focus. Life was somewhat ‘normal’ again. I felt almost complete and planned my future with focus.

Then I met you…

I met you with stars in my eyes. My friends had portrayed you well. And I know I caught your eye too. You knew I was special, didn’t you? But that’s all there was to it.

Then you came back…

I was excited to meet you again. You had me at hello… speaking with you came easy, you were also nursing a broken heart. And then the crazy attraction just drew us together. After a longtime, I let myself go. Allowed myself to feel what I was feeling…get carried away.  But no I couldn’t lose you just yet…

And you said you were not looking for a relationship…But then you came back again…

And urged me to bare my soul… and I did. You didn’t stay in the shadows either. You told me all. It was heady… and I felt special…wanted again.

We met again…You were conflicted about the future but I was sure about the present. Couldn’t think beyond that smile, that touch, that embrace…. That pigmentation on your lower lip… that laughter… that warmth…We weren’t strangers anymore.

And you said you were not looking for a relationship… But you took my heart with you, back to where you came from.

You came back to me… Didnt want to commit to any relationship. Were still waiting for the all-consuming, “lightening in the sky” kind of love, and asked me to be your friend.

Just a friend? I tried in vain to break away from you, you just kept coming back…with your heart wrenching emails and phone calls. And when you were not on the media…you were always following me around. I had conversations with you in my head all day through. Sometimes about the weather and often about the romance of life.  I measured my involvement on the media, but your ghost that followed me knew my mangled heart too well.

And you just want a friend…

I am trying to find the courage to be your friend. I know I will get there because you need me too. It tears me to bits but I am working on it. I am learning to heal by believing in love and not only in you. I am determined to keep my heart open to love and give your ghost up. I am walking away…scared and alone.

You are also walking away…scared and alone.

But I will call you friend…

Maybe someday I will be able to hold your hand as a friend. When all the yearning and hurt will die…a slow yet definite death. I need to protect myself, my sanity…need to send your ghost back to you.

But you gave me what I had lost…

I learnt to dream again, to trust undoubtedly, to love again. The romance in the adventure of meeting someone new, of finding love; has meaning again. Thank you vampire…you helped me find that one missing piece of my heart. And now I can love again…